


Can I Really Stay By Your Side?

by Illuminati



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, if i need to tag anything else tell me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 02:35:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4042504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illuminati/pseuds/Illuminati
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon and Killua are training to fight Knuckle and Shoot.  Bisky’s words echo through the former assassin’s mind, causing him to doubt that he could stay with Gon - even if he does defeat Shoot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can I Really Stay By Your Side?

Sweat rolled down his skin like waves.

The only sounds he could make out were Bisky’s muffled snoring, and the chirping of birds outside. The harsh sun beat against his skin, and surely he would have a nasty sunburn for weeks after this. For Killua, there was no tanning - just burning.

Next to him stood Gon, obviously faring better than he(maybe that was because Gon’s skin wasn’t made out of mayonnaise, the lucky bastard), eyes closed in determination. Killua wasn’t sure what the other boy was thinking, but his aura was as strong as it had been at the beginning of the session.

Killua looked from his friend to their napping master. She had said that she was getting a little tired, so she would take a little ‘cat nap’, but he was pretty sure she was as alert as ever. He sighed. He couldn’t give up now, but then again...how was he supposed to concentrate with his mind racing at 90 mph? 

“Oi, Gon…”

Gon opened his eyes and made a small noise of surprise. “Y-yeah?” he said, looking at the other boy, smiling. Killua’s heart sank, knowing that the hunter wouldn’t be smiling if he said what he was about to say. The former assassin took a deep breath, feeling his resolve falter.

“I just...do you really….want me to stay with you?” Gon looked a little surprised, and before he was able to comment, Killua continued. “I’ve been with you all this time because I had nowhere else to go. Because I was bored. But now...you’re my friend, and I...can I really be good for you? Can I stay with you for so long without hurting you?”

He knew Gon was trying to say something, and his eyes were stinging now. His aura wavered, and Bisky peeked an eye open. “Right now, as you’re about to face this terrible thing, is when you need a friend - someone trustworthy, the most.. What if I can’t fill that part? What if, one day, when you need me most….what if...what if I end up leaving you to die? I want to believe that I couldn’t do something like that to you, but...I can’t guarantee that that won’t happen…”

His words or Bisky’s? His words or Illumi’s? Hot tears streamed down his flushed cheeks.

“Noo! You wouldn’t do that, Killua. You’re not like that! You’re my friend! I want you to be with me!” Gon insisted, stepping closer. “But what if, Gon, what if… You don’t want someone you can’t trust to always stand by you in-” Killua’s voice was muffled, dry and cracked lips clumsily pressed against his, hands desperately gripping his sweat soaked tank top.

When Killua’s sobbing died down into tiny hics, Gon pulled away, wiping the tears from his own eyes. “Killua… You’re my bestest friend in the whole world… I want to be with you, because you’re - you’re more important than…” a small pause, “you’re my precious friend, and I want you to be with me for this, and for everything, all of my future.. If I die because I put too much faith into that, then…” Gon swallowed. “Well, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad…”

There was a moment of heavy silence, Gon looking down at the ground, and Killua was trying to find some sort of response to that. Their aura had long ago dissipated. The sound of Bisky sitting up interrupted their thoughts. “I, uh, hate to interrupt this, but um… Ugh, you know what, take a short break. You can continue your training later. You two really are too much,” Bisky walked out of the room, grumbling about how she couldn’t catch a break, but with a concerned expression on her face.

Once she was gone, Killua collapsed onto the floor, giggling. Gon looked at him, somewhat confused, but then started laughing as well. “Look at us… Hehe… We’re such a mess. Maybe the lack of sleep is getting to us,” he said, putting an arm over his eyes, grinning. Gon sat down next to him.

“Hey, Gon… I think I...Gon, I l…” he paused, the word feeling strange and _dirty_ in his mouth. He swallowed. “I love you, probably,” he finally managed. Gon smiled like he already knew, putting a hand on Killua’s. “I love you too, Killua,” Gon replies, and all at once, a dam in the former assassin’s mind breaks.

How does someone so pure, so amazing, love him? How was that possible? Why were these terrible things happening to that same person? What had Gon done to deserve such things? Because it was his ‘fate’ to do such things? Bullshit. Fate didn’t exist. More tears stained his face, and eventually, he fell asleep with the other boy holding him.

When he woke up, Gon was at it again, training even harder than before.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. Probably.


End file.
